Index Top of the week Top of the month Top of all times Best at sex Most discussed Most favorited
A few years back I was dating the most beautiful girl I had seen. Green eyes, long brown hair, slender body and she rode horses (any implicit innuendo is acceptable). She was getting all dolled up to go out with her friends that night when a stroke of genius occured. "hmmmm..." i thought. "She is looking rather sexy, maybe I could persuade her in to alittle pre-party intercourse." So I gently walked up behind her in the bathroom mirror and start kissing her neck softly, slowly running my hands across her stomach. She is leaning back slowly breathing in my ear ever so gently. I keep kissing her and with the mood becoming heated I slide my hand down her jeans and into panties. I maintain my focus on kissing her neck while ever so gently petting her. Moments later she is grinding against me, the room is spinning with how enamored we've become. I run my hands all over her chest, her breasts and stomach. I whisper in her ear "you're so wet." At this precise moment she gazed in to the mirror. The scene somewhat resembled the beginning of Robocop. She had just started her period. Mind you she just finished spending an hour getting ready and my magic hands just made her look like an extra from Army of Darkness. Needless to say I did not get laid. Im so bad at sex!
xxfalc0rexx on May 22nd, 2009 | Comments: 0
So this girl and I had a casual relationship, for a few months pretty much just sex for the sake of sex. Due to both of us living at home we were pretty much restricted to the backseat of my car. While going at it, at our usual spot (a recently closed car dealership) with her on my lap, I notice headlights in my rearview. At first I assume it some people with the same idea and they'll leave, and I keep at it. They don't. I get creeped enough to look out the window and notice it's a crown vic, with lights and a pushbar, suffice to say the fuzz had shown. I go into panic mode while she calmly redresses. I jump into the drivers seat naked as a jay bird and pull away hoping the cop just wants to scare me away. The cop throws on his cherry and sirens and pulls my naked ass over. He walks up to my car and asks why I was there, which he quickly deduced himself. I got away with a verbal warning and some blue balls...I'm so bad at sex.
capt.Ahab on May 22nd, 2009 | Comments: 0
The first time my boyfriend and I tried to have sex, first time for both of us, I took him back to my house in between classes to get it on. Nervously, I tried going down on him beforehand, not really knowing what I was doing. I gave up quickly, and we suited up. After he was inside me for just a few minutes, I was hurting too much and asked to stop. As I got off him, embarrassed, I noticed this large red abscess next to his penis, and asked, "Honey, did you get hurt? What happened?" "No," he said, "that's your gum." I'd totally forgot about the cinnamon Trident in my mouth. He's never let me forget live it down, either. To top it off, my teacher yelled at me for being late for class, and my conservative parents found the condom. I'm so bad at sex.
egregious on May 22nd, 2009 | Comments: 0
My ex-girlfriend and I were doing it in my car when we decided to change positions. It was a relatively tight space so while we were attempting to shift around, she elbowed me in my left eye. It throbbed momentarily, but I thought nothing of it. Within two weeks I had developed full blown Bell's Palsy, paralyzing the left side of my face. I thought I would never be able to smile again. I eventually recovered, but still...I'm so bad at sex.
thelostone on May 21st, 2009 | Comments: 2
I was visiting a friend at a near by college. I met this random chick and was partying with her all night. The time came and we started making out. It was about 5am and the party was still going strong. To get some privacy, me and her went into a closet. We started having sex and she was really into it. Slowly, a terrible smell started to invade the tiny closet. I looked down and realized she just took a shit. I literally boned the shit out of her. It was gross. She got shit all over the closet, on me, on her, everywhere. I was so drunk that I didn't care. I just laughed, said "shit happens" and walked back to my friends house naked and covered in shit. I am so bad at sex!
wobbles_extradonair on May 21st, 2009 | Comments: 0
I met this one guy on myspace and he seemed really sweet. We talked on the phone and everything, even sexually. So after a week of talking, we decided to meet up. We went to go watch a movie but ended up doing something else. We sat all the way in the back and we were getting really into it. The lights were slightly dimmed so you could still see around and it wasn't dark. He eventually told me to get on top where my back would be facing him. I slid down my pants and so did he. When he stuck it in, (I admit it was pretty small) it was okay, up until I leaned back towards his body, his dick came out, but him not noticing, it wasn't even in me! So basically it was in between my legs and he was still really into it. I didn't really bother to tell him, so I could save him some embarrassment. When we did talk before meeting, he was saying how he loves it hard and how he did this girl and that girl. I now find it to be bullshit and think he's a virgin. But anyway, after all of that I told him to stop because I wanted to "watch" the movie. Damn... HE is so bad at sex.
Pure Tease on May 20th, 2009 | Comments: 7
Sounds like you're good at sex (1)
So one night I went to this party already a little drunk. I got to the party and there was this girl there that I had already hooked up with a few times. After a few more drinks, we started making out again and I decided I would go back to her dorm room. By the time I got to her dorm, I was hammered, and after a few minutes of sex I decided I couldnt hold in my pee anymore and pulled on a pair of jeans and ran outside. Little did I know that it was an all girls floor and there was no guys bathroom. Being as drunk as I was, I decided to rip off the condom that I was still wearing under my jeans and just pee in the stairwell. Unfortunately, the door to the hall locked, and I had to get an RA to let me back on the floor. I got back to the room, where the girl was waiting, but was too drunk to continue and just passed out on her roommates bed. Needless to say when her roommate came in the next morning to find me naked on her bed it was pretty awkward. I'm so bad at sex.
publicpeer on May 20th, 2009 | Comments: 0
I was on my period and my boyfriend was horny so he convinced me to do anal. It was going alright, but needed a little lubrication, so he decided some spit would do the trick. He pulled out and went in to spit, as he did this he spread my cheaks, which in turn caused me to fart…directly in his mouth. I’m so bad at sex.
haneyballer35 on May 18th, 2009 | Comments: 1
The night started well enough with a few of us sharing a bottle of vodka, and we realized we weren't drunk enough and thought it would be a brilliant idea if we just went ahead and finished a second one. The plan was to go out to a club and go dancing, I definitely need to be drunk to enjoy that, so this was going great. Last thing I remember is sitting on the floor and smiling up at this guy I hooked up with once. The next morning, I woke up on the couch all confused and drunk. I called one of my missing roommates who told me to go over to her room and look behind her bed. It was my bra filled with my own puke! Awesome! So I guess what happened was after a bunch of drunken nonsense, I was fooling around with him, we had gotten as far as topless and pants were undone when apparently I passed out right on top of him. My roommate walked in and I guess we were both passed out, me right ontop of him, when all of a sudden I puked RIGHT over his head onto the floor. He was pinned under my body and just cried for help from my roommate who had to help put my shirt back on me as I was still passed the fuck out. It ended with the guy carrying me to the couch and calling up a less drunk girl, and spending the night there. I'm so bad at sex.
srobyn on May 18th, 2009 | Comments: 0
Ok, so I'm giving this guy I'm seeing highway head. I'm really into it, and so is he, not paying attention to the road hardly at all. This would be fine, except the fact that there are certain hazards on the road. As I was going down with my head, he drove over a speedbump. To those of you who still are clueless- he went over a speed bump as i was already deepthroating, causing me to CHOKE on his dick. I started coughing like I'd just taken a major bong rip, and he just started laughing and proclaimed that that had been the best feeling he had experienced in all of his adult life. I'm so bad at sex.
electrickoolaid on May 17th, 2009 | Comments: 2
Sounds like you're good at sex (3)
