i'msobadatsex

A few weeks ago, I went to a party, met a guy and we hit it off. So we went upstairs and started having sex. In the middle of it, one of the other girls from the party walked into the room, but she didn't leave. She stood in the doorway looking at us, and all of a sudden she screamed, "What the fuck?" and she ran at me and punched me in the face and grabbed me by the hair. As I was trying to get her off me and figure out why she suddenly decided to punch me, she said, "Oh you're not my boyfriend," to the guy that I was sleeping with, and then she apologized and left. I'm so bad at sex.

I was just leaving an electro show absolutely plastered on  my drug of choice, ketamine. For all you kids at home, ketamine, or k, is used to tranquilize animals, yes  that's right I'm an idiot. Anyway, this girl with the words "FUCK" tattooed on her neck whom I had been dancing with asked me to come home. This is a rare opportunity for me at a club, because usually I'm more concerned with  the fact I can see the planet Neptune out of the corner of my eye than any member of the opposite sex. Anyway, with my last ounce of rationality, I ask, "do you have a condom?" She said, "no, but fuck it I'm clean," cleanliness had not been a issue for me (pregnancy was). Cleanliness however became THE factor when I realized what I was dealing with: I'm not sure what alien from Mos Eisley Space Port  last had sex with her, but he most definitely did  not pull out. Reaching for any sort of  protection I could find, I grabbed my baggy for ketamine and sort of wrapped it around my head. Kids, this  will be your second lesson, if there is any remaining ketamine in this bag, as soon as you get hard your dick will sting a thousand stings. I wanted to stop, I HAD TO STOP! but tattoo girl was stiill clipping  hard on the uppers  she was on and I knew she would be able to take me in at least hand  to  hand  combat. So when we changed positions, I ran out the  door reaching for any articles of clothing I could find. My spoils: a sock, and  her torn t-shirt that had "slut" written on it. The sock came in handy as it acted as a little snuggie for my severaly injured penis. Regardless though, walking home in the winter in Montreal, with a torn t-shirt that says slut and a snuggie around your penis, isn't the most amazing way to cap off your night. I'm so bad at sex.

I was involved with a guy for a long time, and after a year and a half I guess he realized we had surprisingly never had shower sex. He decides to creep in on me and proceeds to sit me down on the shower bench away from the flow of water and go down on me. After I cum, he forces me up against the wall where the shower head is so the water's running down my back. Since he hadn't been in contact with the water yet, I guess he didn't realize just how fucking hot it was. I didn't think anything to mention it, I always shower in scalding hot water, so he goes for it and scalds his dick before he even got a chance to get it in. The shock of the pain makes him jump back, causing him to slip and fall painfully headfirst onto that same bench that had just been so good to us. Not only would he not have sex with me for the next couple days, but he never wanted shower sex again. I'm so bad att sex.

My girlfriend and I had already had sex once today and usually I have a hard time getting it up a second time at least not within the same hour. As we were about to hop in the shower I started smacking her ass playfully but noticed that she really liked it and apparently so did I. I was hard enough to do it again so I leaned her over the bath tub and we started doing it doggy style. The shower was still on and so the bathtub was filling up with water making everything very slippery. Right as I was about to come her hand slipped and she smacked face first into the bath tub making her laugh hysterically and me loose my hard on. We're so bad at sex.

So when me and one of my exes got together i wasn't a virgin and he was. So one day we decided we were going to go back to his place and have sex for the first time. When we got there things were kind of awkward because he didn't really know what to do and he assumed i did. Baring in mind i had only had sex once before this so i didn't really know what i was doing, he put me on top of him and proceeded to ram his penis into my pelvis causing him to not only go limp from pain but also fracture his penis. Needless to say we didn't do it again for a while. I'm so bad at sex :P

This story starts in a much earlier period of teen ignorance and embarrassing woe. There was this girl I was really crushing on hard in school. Much to my surprise I found out she was into me as well in a big way. The usual progression of things. The awkward conversations lead to dating, and then the big night arrived! It wasn't either of our first time but it might have well been for all the awkwardness. I was doing her from behind and I guess my fingers pressed against her ribs. One thing I had not learned from the weeks of awkward conversation was of her extreme ticklishness, especially in her rib section. Freaking out she pulled only what I could imagine was a Matrix John Woo martial arts move called WTF and sent me spiraling from the bed face first into the dresser. Lights out. I wake up to an EMT administering smelling salts with his jacket over my nakedness and shame. And look over to see her wrapped in a blanket standing next to her extremely angry and red-faced father. I'm so bad at sex.

So me and a girl I'm seeing from online seemed to have the worst luck making a sex date (I know it's stupid but heh, if my mom will let me have the apartment I guess that's good.) First weekend there's an event out of town she get's dragged to, second weekend she get's her rag (This ended up getting me the best oral pleasure of my short sex life.) after that we didn't even try to plan. Somewhere before the first week I told her I'm not small (Which is true, including her; all girls I've been with were scared.), so there's that. Third week, we get to my house, lo and behold, no one is home, I inform her of this whilst sitting on the couch, she replies, "We should be on your bed making out!!!" (My bed is in the frontroom.) So, we get to the bed, she's not sure she wants to have sex. So I try to make her comfortable by offering to get naked first, I do this, she takes off her pants but asks to keep her panties on, this bothers me, so she removes them, tells me don't look. We try to put a condom it, doesn't work, she says forget it, we'll get the morning after pill. So I go in and see the worst "I'm dying" face from her in missonary. She lays perfectly still, like a gazelle caught by a cheetah, making all sorts of weird faces, mind you, I get no boobage and she keeps telling me to not look at her or at her face she even covers her face with my pillow. THEN, she starts shaking like she knows she can die at any moment, me being concerned ask, "Do I need to pull out?" UH HUH! So I pull out, we take a rest for a bit. Second time around we try it laying down this time with a condom. It gets better but she still doesn't want me to look at her. We try missionary once more, but get this, SHE WANTS ME TO TELL HER A STORY, I say, "Baby, it's hard enough as it is right now." We then try it a couple more ways, doggie and cowgirl. Both were ok, with cowgirl I finally get boobage, but she's still not getting anywhere (pleasure-wise), maybe it's just me but I find it hot when a girl is on top enjoying it, I get a little crazy apparently this is bad as it hurt her chances of getting an O. So finally for the end of my story, we give it one last shot, her laying on her front and me crouching into her, my favourite, so I starting to enjoy it enough to get my nut, WHEN THE FUCKING DOORBELL RINGS!!! I yell, COME BACK LATER! they refuse TEN MINUTES! My girl says it's ok let me go fix myself up, I yell COME BACK IN TEN! by that time I'm not hard anymore so she get's up and readjusts. We still go out for two more weeks, get in an argument where she says she used me for sex, I laugh and reply, "Admit it you didn't know how to screw." To this day, I think she was a virgin.

So last night, at the cottage, I was fucking my friend and his dick started to bleed inexplicably. Although I sucked him off, I made sure to be gentle, and avoid teeth. This didn't stop his dick from emitting so much blood it seemed like he came with blood rather than semen. He immediately went to the bathroom to bandage his damaged member. When he came back, things were too painful/awkward to continue, so we just went to sleep. This whole experience is extremely confusing. I'm so bad at sex.

I had just lost my virginity a few weeks ago, and was vacationing on an island off the coast of France. Needless to say, I was overly full of self-confidence/libido, but a little, ah, *tight* on actual sexual experience. Out at a club with some guys my friend and I had met, one thing started to seem like it was going to lead to another with this one Frenchman. We decided not to let his lack of a car, my extreme inebriation, or moral qualms get in our way, and left the club for "somewhere more private," a.k.a. the fence outside a nearby house. He started nailing me against the fence. Stark naked on a residential street and freaking out about being caught, I made him stop every time I thought I heard a car coming. Then we had to stop for real because he was much taller than me so had to hold me up, and his arms got tired. So we started having sex on the gravel of the driveway, with him on top. 45 minutes later, with gravel embedded into my back and ass, aching from the difference in diameter between my freshly deflowered vag and his freakishly short but thick dick, and wondering at the stamina of this Gallic Casanova, I had to ask him to stop. He started kind of hiccuping/sniffling (like you do when you're about to cry and really trying not to), presumably because he thought he was so shit awful or from the frustration, who knows. I don't know what was worse, finding the next day that it hurt to sit down, or finding out from my friend that it was his first time. I'm so bad at sex.

So week before spring break of freshman year at college, I go to my friends birthday party. I hook up with this fat chick while dancing. We hooked/danced for so long, and then she went to bed before she could swipe my v-card. Next morning I found out that she bruised my penis. It's is all black and blue and hurts and shit. I try to masturbate with some hand lotion a few days later and my penis starts to burn.So first night of spring break in Puerto Rico, I hook up with another fat chick at a bar after getting fairly drunk. As a group we walk around Old San Juan and I eventually get in a car and go back to the apartment where she is staying. I'm told the place "smells like sex", as my friend hands me a condom. Get onto a blowup mattress in a room with this chubb of a Puerto Rican girl and start making out again. My belt is driving into her stomach so I take my pants off. I remember that I still have the injured dick, and I'm drunk, and I'm jetlagged, so I fall asleep before I can start going at it. I wake up the next morning in some random apartment next to this girl who name I don't know/can't pronounce. I walk outside and try to call the people I was staying with to pick me up. No answer for 30 minutes. I'm so bad at sex.